Friday, November 18, 2011

Another Rough Excerpt

Fiction Friday again, this time hosted by Joanne on her blog An Open Book. Read more great fiction there!

I shouldn't be posting such raw material, but it is NaNoWriMo season, so here you go. This scene comes late in Chapter 6, and is the heart of each LIGHT story. Hope you can enjoy through the roughness :-)

~S.E. Sawyer

Chapter 6

Wanting to seek the privacy of the sleeping quarters, Jael backed slowly away from the group as everyone engaged in conversation and opinion about the validity of Zedek’s explanation and promises. None felt comfortable at the denied access to contact the Eagle, yet Zedek didn’t seem to want to do them harm. Perhaps Trogyllium customs of bringing strangers into their midst was just different from most societies.

It was on this last murmur that Jael slipped into an empty sleeping chamber. She ignored the elegant arrangement and furnishings, the warm d├ęcor, soothing cream walls and ambient light. Three steps and she was at one of the bedsides where she knelt down and let her elbows sink into the soft mattress as she clasped her hands in front of her. She began to pray.

She never kept up with the ticking minutes of her internal clock when she was in deep prayer, but several must have passed before she lifted her head with a sigh of relief. Peace replaced the tight feeling in her gut and she knew it was time to take some proactive steps. Not aggressive, just in preparation.

Jael blinked away the dimness from having her eyes closed so long and rose to her feet. She’d known since she’d opened her eyes that she was no longer alone. She turned to find Pileser standing stock still in the doorway.

“Did you have something to report, Ms. Pileser?”

Jael read a mixture of stun and fear in Pileser’s eyes. She nodded slowly. “Yes, Commander. They sent food and Vophsi said we should all eat. But…but…” Pileser let her words falter as she glanced to the place where Jael had knelt. Jael glanced behind her and back at her officer, smiling. “I was praying, Lieutenant. That’s not against regulations.”

Pileser’s expression snapped to something more akin to anger. “We’re on a foreign planet, Commander. Suppose they saw you doing that? What if it’s reported? You could be…could be..”

“Space banned?” Speaking the words cringed Jael’s insides again but she pressed on, “Believe me, Ms. Pileser, I have a healthy fear of the Space Ban as well as a respect for regulations. But when lives are on the line, as I believe they are now, the best thing I can do for all of us is seek council from God.”

Pileser cocked her head, anger giving way to doubt. Her voice was nothing more than a whisper. “He’s not here, Commander.”

Jael looked back at the impression her elbows left on the mattress and smiled. “Yes, He is, Lieutenant. He most certainly is.”

7 comments:

Joanne Sher said...

Love the way you end this excerpt, Sarah. Very nicely done. Keep pluggin away! ;)

Shelley Ledfors said...

Ooh, very intriguing! You've sure made me want to know more with this excerpt. Great writing!

Mari said...

I'm not a fantasy/sci-fi fan but I loved the feel of this. It had reminded me of a futuristic Daniel in Babylon. Which also reminds me that past, present, and future...the struggle of living for God in a godless setting is a constant in this fallen world. But even though men may say there is no God...there most certainly is.

S.E. Sawyer said...

@Joanne: oh, I am ;-) Thanks!

@Shelley: Thanks, it's hard for me to pick an excerpt from raw material...I can't even remember half the scenes I've written!

@Mari: Oh so true, and that's what I want to demonstrate with these stories. lol, I am NOT a sci-fi person, never even watched or read any until about a year ago. Then this storyline began developing, and it's a blast :-) I only hope I can convey the depth of the message...

Yvonne Blake said...

Yes, He is everywhere.
A Christian space story...different!

Sara Harricharan said...

Oooh, that was VERY good. Especially for a rough piece too--and I love the world that you've created so easily in this piece. Love it! ^_^

Sarah Elisabeth said...

@Yvonne - Amen! And yes, I want it to be quite a different space story...

@Sara - Thanks! It'll probably always be a fav scene of mine